you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
