"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
