oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just tell him i said nine months
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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