BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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