Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
