i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize