I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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