go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
