i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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