I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
