i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
