Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
