He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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