Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
false alarm, still single
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize