very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
