are you still at the devil's house?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
