Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
