We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
