i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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