My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
