We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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