You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dicks are not precious.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
