It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
