don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
