Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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