Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
