I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
