in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
