if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
