Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize