my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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