you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
