i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
