broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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