Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
