textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
