I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
