last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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