I'm so fucking centered right now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize