pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
