I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
