it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
