Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
