This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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