you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
