tell your sister to shave her snatch
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
