I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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