I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
