my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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