I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
