they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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