Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize