Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
