Joe is yelling at the trees again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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