he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so let's talk penis.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
