Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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