He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
