4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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