Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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