Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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