and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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