im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
