is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
