No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
