the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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