I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
