After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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