If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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