are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
