I want to make a zoo with you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You smell like stripper and shame
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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