hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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