I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you would pick up someone in the library
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
