Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
