She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
