I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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