Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
