Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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