I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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