There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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