He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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