R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
