thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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