Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk is a universal language darling
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
