in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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