everyone is single if you try hard enough
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
