i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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