I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
