I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize