I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
