my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
