it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
