remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize