walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
