good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
