Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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