I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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