You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize