Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
