Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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