Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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