apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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