Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
