apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize