I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
