If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
