you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize