I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
