How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
