# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
